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Your Funny Bone

Laughter is the best medicine

1.Spiritual…

  • Life is full of misery, loneliness, unhappiness and suffering, and it’s over much too soon – Woody Allen
  • -Oh, great guru, tell me, what is the secret to life?
    -The secret to life is abstinence from alcohol, women, and sex.
    -Is there anyone else here I can talk to? – Hagar the Horrible.
  • Reincarnation: Life sucks, then you die, then life sucks again – Bumper sticker.
  • If there is such a thing as reincarnation, knowing my luck I’ll come back as me – Rodney Trotter
  • Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun ― Alan W. Watts

2.Mental…

  • The neurotic builds castles in the air, the psychotic thinks he lives in them, and the psychoanalyst collects the rent from both – Jerome Lawrence
  • Does ‘anal retentive’ have a hyphen? – Monica Geller, Friends
  • Both optimist and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute – George Bernard Shaw

3.Work…

  • Hard work never killed anybody, but I figure why take the chance – Edgar Bergen
  • I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves – Bruce Grocott
  • Work is the refuge of those who have nothing better to do – Oscar Wilde

4.Financial…

  • All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy – Spike Milligan
  • Money doesn’t make you happy but nor does poverty – Unknown
  • It doesn’t matter whether you’re rich or poor as long as you have money. – Max Miller

5.Health…

  • I paid four hundred bucks to join a health club last year. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up – Rich Ceisler
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees – Roseanne
  • My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is – Ellen DeGeneres

6.Leisure…

  • How beautiful it is to do nothing and then to rest afterwards – Spanish proverb
  • It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all – James Thurber
  • It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do – Jerome K. Jerome

7.Friendship…

  • Your friends are God’s way of apologizing for your relatives – Wayne Dyer
  • A true friend is someone who stabs you in the front – Oscar Wilde
  • The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly everybody will side with you when you are in the right – Mark Twain

8.Family…

  • Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for free peanuts – Jeff Foxworthy
  • Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world – Erma Bombeck
  • You may marry the man of your dreams, but fourteen years later, you’re married to a couch that burps – Roseanne
  • My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
  • Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
  • A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids but she didn’t give a shit.
  • Kids will eat anything – snot, scabs, earwax, toenail clippings. But not sprouts.