“Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.” – Harold Hulbert.
A study in Romania found that 80% of the children in orphanages are autistic. Because they’re not getting the love and they lack nourishment. Every growth factor in their body is reduced by 30 to 40% – their size, their height, their physiology. You may disagree with this study but that’s their findings.
To me right now family is all about my children who are no longer children but are very grown-up. But the interesting thing is you never stop parenting. I do more parenting now than when they were little. Their needs now are more sophisticated and complex, and they need you more than ever because life is challenging.
So if you have built a good relationship with them and they trust you and they trust your wisdom. They love spending time with you and enjoy your ‘non-judgment’. They enjoy your ‘unconditional’ love for them. Then it’s game on! They want to spend time with you.
Earning your children’s love and respect is one of the most powerful and rewarding achievements you will ever have in your lifetime. Not the dumb money that people focus on making. And I say it this way not to offend you, but for you to pause and really think about your obsession with money (yes, money is important but not at the expense of your family life or health).
“You’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse. … Now, I’ve been blessed to make hundreds of millions of dollars in my life. I can’t take it with me, and neither can you. The Egyptians tried it, they got robbed. That’s all they got.” – Denzel Washington.
Someone sent me this beautiful quote the other day and I love the ‘truth’ of it (whether you agree with it or not):
Happiness is the new rich
Kindness is the now cool
Health is the new wealth
Inner peace is the new success
-Anthony Hall
This is an incredible time in our history and let’s not screw it up by staying stuck in our old beliefs and thinking. This time now is our opportunity for ‘true’ transformation into a new era, a new world, a new paradigm, new wisdom, a new way of thinking and doing. We cannot stay as is because with our current trajectory we will self-destruct. Both in our personal lives and as a planet.
“We have come this far because we are the smartest creatures that have ever lived. But to continue we require more than intelligence, we require wisdom.” – David Attenborough
FAMILY CULTURE
I’ve been saying forever that the troubles of the world are because of “bad parenting.” And I am by no means saying that I’m a good parent because I’ve made a ton of mistakes.
As parents, our biggest job is helping our children to build their self-esteem, their self-love, and self-respect.
There is this powerful saying: “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” – Robert Fulghum.
Your “Family Culture” is the most powerful culture of all. Parents are the architects of the family culture. Children get their direction from the significant adults in their lives – parents, teachers, and relatives.
The wrong family cultures, work cultures, religious cultures often ‘block’ people from expressing their uniqueness, their self-worth, and power.
YOUR CHILD’S INTUITION
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.” – Einstein
Every time a new baby is born, she or he is born with a Sixth Sense which is our ‘feeling’ stethoscope that lets us tune in to what is good or not good. When we do this we’re listening to our ‘gut feelings.’ We all have and do experience these feelings.
Here’s something that got my attention: “What are children’s formative years – those years when physical man tramples the intuitiveness out of the child.” – Abraham.
We were all born with an ‘inner-guidance to help us know what ‘feels’ right for us. We did not intend to replace our ‘inner-guidance’ with the opinions of our parents.
Of course, as parents, we mean well. Because we’re trying to prepare our children for their challenges that we experienced along the way. We have made mistakes and don’t want them to encounter the same troubles.
However, my experience with my kids when they were very young is that the insecurity that I was prompting from them was more about me than it was about them. I now know that my opinion about my children played a greater role in their behaviour than I realised.
I see clearly now that when you are feeling concerned, irritated, or exasperated – you actually triggering undesired behaviour from them. When you are in a state of compassion, appreciation, enthusiasm, you will draw wonderful behaviour from your children.
Of course as they grow up they have full responsibility for their lives.
MY GREATEST TREASURE
Here are some messages I received from my Greatest Treasure.
KIM
“Love you and appreciate you daddy! You always allowed us to choose our own paths and you always encouraged us to be the best we can be. You also taught us to be self-aware and question life. I love your passion for this work and I will always admire your wisdom and knowledge about so many things. You have been my greatest teacher and you have made me tenacious and resilient. You are one of a kind daddy – charismatic, influential, classy, wise, weird, loving, powerful and special to me. You are the glue that keeps our family together. You mean the world to me!”
CARMEN
“I love you dad! Loved seeing you the other weekend. You have made me so increasingly proud to be your daughter.”
AMY
“I just want to tell you that I have been thinking about you so much in the last few days and am increasingly grateful to have you in my life – you are my greatest gift. You are the most wonderful father, friend, and mentor. You have taught me to see the world in ways most people cannot understand and you have shown me how to experience true happiness – even though I often struggle with negative emotion, I always find myself working through it and finding my way again. You have taught me to love myself, to love others, to be grateful and see life blessings, to be strong and know my worth and most importantly, you have given me the experience of this beautiful father-daughter relationship. Love you eternally” ❤
WISE GUYS
“Romance fails us and so do friendships, but the relationship of parent and child, less noisy than all the others, remains indelible and indestructible, the strongest relationship on earth.” – Theodor Reik
“A baby is something you carry inside you for nine months, in your arms for three years, and in your heart until the day you die.” – Mary Mason
“What it’s like to be a parent: It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but in exchange it teaches you the meaning of unconditional love.” – Nicholas Sparks
“You have to love your children unselfishly. That is hard. But it is the only way.” – Barbara Bush
“The greatest rejection for a child is criticism and judgement.” – Tony Humphreys
